An unexpected surprise for mama...


I am Matilda Kerry, a medical doctor, wife, mother, and founder of the George Kerry Life Foundation - a charity that advocates for women's health rights. I live and work in Lagos, Nigeria and I have a son on the Autism spectrum.  Hmmm... I still feel weird saying this.  Yes, and I still feel a nudge of fear whenever I say or write the word Autistic in reference to my son, but that's ok because this fear is not of the condition -Autism, rather it comes from acknowledging and accepting the condition my son is dealing with, the fear stems from knowing that we (my son and me) are in for the fight of our lives! Fighting to gain skills, fighting to build relationships, fighting to overcome stigma.  I'm optimistic though because each time I say "my son is on the Autism spectrum..." I feel more empowered than fearful, the weirdness and fear are a little bit less each time and I know one day it will be completely gone, when I would have come full circle. 

 Let's rewind a little bit. I got married in March 2014 and even though it seemed like a long wait for me, by July 2014, I was pregnant! So excited to be a mum! I was glowing, I was so full of joy and prayers and hope! I had prayed and fasted for this baby and finally, I was pregnant! The pregnancy was uneventful, I was healthy, eating well, barely any morning sickness in my first trimester and my son was moving like a champ inside me.  He responded to touches and prods from the outside, I was so much anticipating his birth and when he was finally born, he was perfect!  A little small, 2.3kg, but otherwise, perfect! The doctors didn't notice anything alarming, he was given a clean bill of health, but I noticed he seemed super aware of his surroundings. As a baby, I mean  as early as 3 weeks old, he would stare at the spinning ceiling fan for almost thirty minutes, or television, or my face for very long.  He barely slept in his crib, on his own, or away from my warmth and presence, and he was always crying! I thought it was colic at the time, maybe it was.. but when I say he was always crying, I mean he would bawl for an hour nonstop, sleep for five minutes and then wake up and start crying again. This went on till he was about 10-12 weeks old, then the crying subsided and he became more easy to pacify.  I was enjoying being a mum again as my son went through his milestones like a champ! He sat at 5 months, crawled at 8 months (backward first then forward 😄), stood without support at 11 months and walked before he was 1 year. Brian loved to smile, he would respond to my smile without hesitation and he was well aware of my moods - bad and good.

 However, there were some red flags - he loved to watch television a lot, (he still does, he's obsessed with smartphones too), he would stare for hours at the television and get upset whenever the power was out. I'm not sure if this was a sign of Autism or my fault for overexposing him to TV because I had little support or help to babysit him at home. His first word was "Pap" at 1 year 3 months, Pap is a Nigerian cereal food I had been giving him since 6 months of age. He said the word "Pap" once or twice and never said it again. At 1 year and a few months, he was already reciting the Alphabets A-Z and Numbers 1-20.  Everyone around me was super impressed, but I was worried. He hadn't pointed, or waved, he hadn't said "dada" or "mama", he barely responded to his name, he wasn't making good eye contact, he kept playing with the wheels of toys cars- spinning them for long periods, he liked to line up alphabets over and over again! 

 I started to seek out more information online about Autism. I already had a high level of suspicion because of my prior knowledge of developmental disabilities and Autism from my medical background and experience, but I had to know more! I had to help my boy because even though he seemed to be super smart and excelling in some areas, I could feel he was struggling with other things. And so began my journey - What were the signs of Autism as opposed to speech and language delay? What were the steps for early intervention? Where could I get help for Autistic children in Nigeria?

 Let me stop here and address Nigerian mothers for a minute because our environment is very critical and unforgiving of children with developmental disabilities.   In Nigeria, a child with a developmental disability is not considered a child, it's almost as if you have failed as a woman in birthing an imperfect child that cannot measure up to typical children; therefore, many Nigerian women choose to hide their children with developmental disabilities and instead seek divine intervention and miracles, hoping the condition will go away.  I call it "a state of watchful, hopeless waiting..." You are wasting valuable time!

 If you suspect your child is not developing appropriately for their age, whether physically or cognitively, please do not brush it over. Seek out help from professionals, get a developmental assessment and diagnosis as early as possible.  Early intervention is KEY to helping our children with developmental disabilities gain the skills they need to function independently in this world. 

 To share your concerns about your child's development, visit us at The Community Health Outpatient Clinic, Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH) - Idi-Araba. Accident and Emergency building, 2nd floor, Tuesdays and Wednesday, 9am-1pm. 

 To get a full developmental assessment for your child, contact the Children's Developmental Center  (CDC) at 31 Modupe Johnson Crescent, off Adeniran Ogunsanya Street, Surulere, Lagos. +2348023176525, +2349095524021, info@cdcafrica.org.ng, https://cdcafrica.org.ng/

 I want to leave you with this - 
https://punchng.com/i-never-allowed-autism-stigma-stop-me-from-achieving-greatness-imafidon-oxford-don/ 
It is the story of a Nigerian Professor in England who was diagnosed with Autism as a child but has overcome all odds because of the support and nurturing he received from one family member! It fills me with so much hope, that if we apply unconditional love, the right interventions, and a supportive environment, there is nothing a "Typical child" and person can do that an "Atypical child" can not do.

 Look out for my next blog post on how I sought out help for my son and where we are now on this journey...

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